similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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