he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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