I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
