i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
