I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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