Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
