She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
