Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
