Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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