I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
