that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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