So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
