Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
