M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
