Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
