I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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