HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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