i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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