i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
