there's paper in my vomit.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
