Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
