I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
