just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
