Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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