We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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