The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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