i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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