I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
NoShamevember. You game?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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