I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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