The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
