i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
