he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize