She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize