guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
