I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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