Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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