I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I would fuck him just for his dog
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
