If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
