Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
