I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
