I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
