Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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