i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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