i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
