You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
