I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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