I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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