A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Will exercising make me less horny?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
