I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
