dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
high people should be assigned attendants
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
