I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
being pregnant is like rehab
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
