She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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