i think i have two assholes
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
