I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
