I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
