He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
i need some magic done to my vagina
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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