I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
