Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
