i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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