careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize