I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
