Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
