Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
