Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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