you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
