I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
