I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize