You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
