This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
