So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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