frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
