I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
