I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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